Interview with Gila Nehemia
Gila Nehemia is a spiritual erotic poet, writer, coach, and wise woman. She’s passionate about empowering people to experience a Sacred Erotic Love partnership within and without. She believes that conscious erotic self-love changes the paradigm of love relationships in a person’s inner and outer circles.
As a Shamanic healer, Gila loves nature and uses its inherent healing properties to heal herself and her loved ones. She holds Sacred Circles for women to provide support and divine transmission. She believes we’re all on this earth to help each other grow and to radiate our light and love onto the world.
In my new book, Life After Trauma, Gila shares her very personal experience of growing beyond the trauma of an emotionally abusive relationship. Taking on a more spiritual perspective, she was able to take the lessons on board and create a more soul-led path for herself, setting the best example for her children, and leading a happier life.
Dr. Andrea — It’s awesome to connect with you. I know right now you are in India, and I’m in France. But thanks to the Internet we can connect wherever we are! Well you have had quite an interesting time the last several years, and the adventures continue!
Your story is very different from the others in this book, but what it has in common with the other stories, is that is shows us there is happiness waiting for us after trauma.
One of the things I find so remarkable about your story is that you went through a really traumatic experience in your marriage. There were highs and lows, and emotional abuse. Yet, you are able to now recognize that your and your husband came together as souls to have a shared experience, and you’ve learned about your own soul’s journey from this. So tell us about that.
Gila — It was quite a challenging experience to be honest. I think that most of my life I have been quiet. I have suppressed feelings, words, emotions, even actions in order to please. Without putting anything on anyone else, my feeling is that I was brought up to be this way. So I tried to be the ‘good girl’.
When my ex husband passed away, I realized all of the things I had been suppressing. Actually, the breakthrough happened for me looking at my children and wanting them to have a better life. I realized that would only happen if I took total responsibility for myself and for everything that had happened. I started to see it all from a different perspective.
Dr. Andrea — That’s so interesting. We as moms, and men do this too, but as moms we think we need to do everything for our kids, putting our own needs last. So we suck it up and squash our needs down. When you have that awakening, you realize that you are teaching your kids how to be. So when you put yourself last or let people treat you badly, your kids are getting the message that it’s okay to be treated, or to treat someone else that way.
So I think that is such a powerful recognition you had.
Gila — I think many times, especially at the beginning of my journey, I had many questions. I would say to my coach, “My kids want me to be at home, but I want to go out. I had a conflict with them, and then went out anyway.”
My coach said I should be putting myself first, as I was the physical example to my children of how life is. If I put myself last, I was teaching my children to do that too. I have to tell you, it’s been almost a year and a half since I was having this conversation with my coach, and my kids have really changed. They’ve transformed with me, and it’s been the most beautiful gift I’ve received so far.
Dr. Andrea — That is so powerful. So, your chapter in Life After Trauma — let’s just go there! I’ll be honest with you, one of the things that inspired me to create this particular book, was what I’d learned through writing a previous book of mine.
Two books ago, I wrote The Orgasm Prescription, which is actually how you and I met, on a related online summit. When I was interviewing people around the topic of my book, I noticed that one of the things that really held people back from fully experiencing orgasmic bliss in their relationships, both inside and outside the bedroom, was not healing from past trauma. Even if they had been to therapy and let go of the past, in a new relationship they still couldn’t feel that blossoming of love for themselves or for another partner.
Your erotic awakening that you’ve talked about with me before wasn’t just a sexual one, but a true spiritual awakening. It’s led you and your business on a whole different path. So tell us about that.
Gila — It all began from desire. From a young age I had the desire to be really open. I always had this feeling that there was something else out there for me, but in all of my relationships I never reached it. At some point I had decided just to shelf that desire and accept that it wouldn’t happen for me.
Something really important in my work now is self-pleasure, not just sexually but in all areas of life. When I decided to change my life I started to change my mindset. I started again to think that maybe there was something else out there for me, and maybe I could fulfil that desire.
The first thing that happened to me was being with somebody who logically, didn’t make sense to be with. But erotically this relationship really worked for me. So I finally got to fulfil my deepest desire.
Dr. Andrea — I find this fascinating, as desire and pleasure, especially as you get onto a spiritual path, presented you with a conundrum. We ask ourselves if we are supposed to have sensual pleasure in this lifetime, or are we supposed to be chaste to be spiritual.
So what’s interesting to me is that after your ex husband past away, you decided to get out there into the dating world, and you met this younger person. So many people I talk to, especially women, might want to get back into the dating world, but they feel like they need to be a ‘responsible adult’. We think we should date someone our age, maybe older but not younger. But you allowed yourself to go there, and that has been a catalyst for so many other things in your life!
You also mention in your chapter of Life After Trauma that you then were able to just explore so much. And on a retreat you had an experience where you channeled a message from your late husband. In his visit he told you that not only were you on the right path, but he gave you his blessing too. So tell us about that.
Gila — That a little surprising! I was at a retreat in Spain. It was after getting into this new relationship, and my lover and I had just had a fight. So I’d gone away on my own, and I was just feeling all the feelings. Everyone knows what this feels like; I was questioning myself and wondering if I was doing the right thing.
I was with a healer who channeled this message for me. My ex husband was telling me to just be me, and to be in my power. If I did that it would allow him to be in his power. That just blew my mind, because really that was all I had ever wanted.
Dr. Andrea — I love how you say he needed you to be in your power, not just in the past but also in the present. It sounds like he wanted you to move on, so his soul could move on too. It’s almost like these soul contracts that we maybe get into on another plane of existence. It’s like one soul saying to the other, “Come on, learn this lesson so we can both move on together!”
Gila — Exactly! It was otherworldly. She was channeling this message, and that’s not an every day experience, but it just made so much sense to me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason; even the pain that I suffered, which at the time seemed intolerable. The joy that I’ve had since has been amazingly blissful.
I’m not wanting to speak for anyone else, but just to share this. For anyone who’s going through something now, allow yourself to trust your intuition. This is a lesson I have learned from my experience, and it’s what I’m teaching my children to do.
Dr. Andrea — The other thing you are now teaching people to do is using writing as a process of healing. I’m a big believer in journaling — even if we never intend to publish anything we write. There’s a lot of power in using pen and paper, there is just something about it that allows you to liberate those emotions and begin to heal.
So tell me a little more about Wild Writers Heal, and the workshops that you are running.
Gila — One of the things I do is use writing as a medium for healing. Something I’ve been doing with my clients is giving them a writing prompt to guide them, and knowing something about their pain, this prompt allows them to not use logic, but to use their intuition to release their pain.
I feel that in my own journey, a part of my challenges were not just situations with individuals in the present, but eons and generations of oppression. We are called to release that, for humanity and for our children. For me, writing is a medium to begin that process of letting things go.
Writing can be so powerful, and can be channeled from the divine to help and heal others.
Dr. Andrea — I am 100% in agreement. I know that part of your own personal work is erotic writing. How is it for you, having that energy running through your pen on to the paper?
Gila — It’s really empowering. It’s really about erotic desire being sacred, and that’s part of my mission and message. It allows you to be in your Goddess state.
We each have a different power, but once we are in our power, we are limitless.
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